London.

What a sad week. I never thought that I would ever type these words into my blog, but…

I love London. 

I love it. Sure, the people are a little gray but they're not all bad. And the weather isn't always the nicest in the winter, but this spring has been beyond beautiful (and, to be honest, a lot nicer than it has been at home in New Jersey). London is a beautiful city. I mean, look at it. It's gorgeous. I love walking around the London Bridge Pier. I love sitting in Trafalgar Square. I love window shopping (and too often actual shopping) on Oxford Street, and trying samples in Borough Market. Hummingbird on Portobello Road has the best red velvet cake cupcakes that have ever been made, and St. Paul's Cathedral is the most incredible cathedral I have ever seen. I love walking through the gardens in Regent's Park, visiting Peter Pan in Kensington Gardens, and waving to the Queen by Buckingham Palace.

Everyday when I leave my flat, I get a “Hello, sweetheart!” from Hot Dog Man. I go into the tube station, and I can go over and pet the schnauzer by the table where the guy sells something which I honestly have never paid attention to because I’m too interested in the schnauzer. Then wherever I’m going, whatever I’m doing, I have gained a whole new confidence that I will be able to get there. I’ve mastered the tube, and I’ve become more independent than I ever thought possible here. Am I still terrified of being lost? You bet I am… but I no longer let that stop me. Sure, I might need to walk around for a bit longer than most people trying to find my destination. I find it though… and if I don’t, I don’t panic anymore. If me five months ago saw me now, I'd be amazed. I wouldn’t believe it. And I love that.

I have not found out more about myself from this experience. I have always been incredibly self-aware, so this did not open my eyes to something I did not previously know. I have changed though. I have learned new things about myself because I have developed new things about myself. I have always been a strong, confident, independent woman, but that is amplified now. I can do things on my own. I can travel to a foreign country and find my way around. I can get myself to a bus stop to take a bus to the airport to take a plane to a foreign airport to take public transportation to my hostel and then figure out my way around a city I have never been to before. I’ve done it numerous times. Hell, going to Milan is going to be my 18^th flight of the year so far. 

I started my conquering from the very first week here, when I immediately became a big deal in London by being on VIP guest lists for celebrity clubs and receiving free bottles of Grey Goose vodka and dancing on stage. I had an unreal amount of publicity at the Royal Wedding, being photographed over 100 times, and appearing in several newspapers and various radio broadcasts. Hell, even today on my last day in London I was asked to be a model and spent an hour being photographed.

But London, you have been a tough one to conquer. I conquered Morocco, France four times, The Netherlands, Ireland, and Spain with ease, but you weren’t so willing. You fought me every step of the way, and I must admit several times I thought you had me beat. So many times I felt like throwing in my white flag, calling it quits, and saying, “Kate the Conqueror has been conquered.” But I didn’t. No, I fought back. I gave it shot after shot, and finally, by this last month, I can say that I love you, London. You put up a tough, gray exterior, but I know that’s not all true. I have found you out. It took much longer than my other conquests, but I think we needed that time. We needed that time to really find each other out, London. And we're better for it. I truly believe that if life takes me back to London, if this is where I need to be for my career, I can handle it now. 

And so, I say with nothing but love in my heart, London, United Kingdom: Conquered.

Now, on to the next adventure. 

 At the Prime Meridian with Cori, Kim, and Kristen.

 Anthony being crazy, hanging out with my flatmates and French friends. =)

 Jordan and Mike's last night!

 And I miss Jordan so much, it's craziness.

 A rainbow over Tower Bridge! That's got to be a good sign.

 Lovely girls! Kristen, Kim and I.

 Kristen, Izabela, Cori, and I. Last shot in front of Tower Bridge. =(

Ending.

What an exhausting week! I don't know how anybody visiting London for a week does it. I've been here for five months and I still have so many things I never got to see.

I came to a conclusion about my list of things to do: it's not as important as spending time with my friends. I've been crossing things off the list, and it's been really great. I went to the Kew Gardens the other day, and it was probably one of my favorite things I've done in London. It's absolutely beautiful. The Kew Gardens are the largest botanical gardens in the world, and I got to see plants and flowers from all over the world. It was a hippie-nature-lovers dream. I went to the Fashion and Textile Museum, which had a cool exhibit on Tommy Nutter but I hadn't realized that the exhibits they hold are the only things in the museum, so it was slightly disappointing. I went to Bushy Park, which was another Royal Park off my list, but it definitely wasn't my favorite park at all. It seemed very vast and boring at first, until I found a gated woodland area which I loved. I have decided to not go to Liverpool because Izabela and I thought it was far too expensive to get there, and too far away so we wouldn't get to spend a lot of time there. Brighton looks absolutely wonderful, but I wouldn't want to go there alone and I can't find someone to go with because everybody went there on the ISA trip (which I skipped because I was sick). I still want to go to the Freud Museum and Richmond Park, but that's it for my list.

The thing is, I've been doing so many of these activities alone... which I truly don't mind. I don't need to be with people to enjoy myself. London is always going to be here though, and I will always have the opportunity to come back and do all the things I never got to do and all the things I want to do again. However, I will never be here again with this group of people. The friends I have made here are some of the best people I have ever met, and it kills me that I have so little time left with them (and it kills me even more that I wasted so much time not with them when I was so stuck on hating London). We have a fancy dinner out together tonight, but that very well may be the last time I see some of them, and I hate that.

I have so much prep-work to do before going to Milan, and I have so little time to do it all, and I have so many things I could fill my last days with before I leave London... but none of that seems as important to me right now as making my remaining memories with the people who have helped me through this entire experience, the friends I've made that if it wasn't for them, I would have gone home a long time ago. I'm so glad I didn't, and I'm so glad I have them.

Well, that's about as sappy and sentimental as I can get. Take it or leave it, guys.

Exhausting.

I want to apologize to all of my loyal fans (mom and dad...) for not updating lately. I've been on a conquering spree since the pressure is on to complete all of my London activities before I leave in less than a week. Isn't that crazy?! It's starting to hit now that I may not be able to squeeze everything in... but I will not be defeated that easily. A conqueror appreciates a challenge sometimes.

In addition to Londontown happenings, I've been super busy with preparing for my two upcoming internships, getting everything set to move to Milan, practicing my Italian, and learning how to use Twitter and Tumblr (which is required for my College Fashionista internship). It sounds silly, but social media is like a full time job. It takes a lot of time and effort to constantly post interesting material on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, my blog, and Pinterest, in addition to how I check my e-mail accounts every five minutes. Hopefully it's just because I'm still mildly stupid when it comes to these new pages. I can totally understand why people want Twitter on their phones now though, because it's so much easier if I could just do this throughout the day on-the-go instead of trying to entertain readers during my hours at home.

But, I digress. Let's go in sequential order, as it is the most logical way to approach my recent events.

Jordan left on Thursday, the 19th. This was probably the hardest goodbye I will have to make, because I feel like Jordan was definitely one of the best, if not the best, friend I had here. We had gone to Trafik for a little get together with Cori, Kim, Kristen, Mike, Sam, Izabela, Paloma, and Nadia, because it was the last time we could see Jordan and Mike. Jordan had a cab scheduled for 6:30 in the morning, and he didn't want to fall asleep because of how early he had to leave, so I agreed to stay up all night with him. However, after he visited with Amanda to say goodbye and I went back to meet up with him again, he fell asleep. Well, I was not going to let him leave without saying goodbye, so I woke up at 6:20 to see him before the cab took him away. Now, I was looking like a complete hot mess (but not really hot at all). I had gone on a blackhead popping spree the night before so my skin looked like I was recovering from chicken pox, I had my glasses on, you could see my underwear lines through my yoga pants, and if America drilled into my scalp they could solve the oil crisis. Jordan was so flustered handling his bags and last minute things, so I offered to take the cab with him to King's Cross (he was just taking a cab there to avoid the transfer through the tube station with his bags) to help him. So, you know how much Jordan means to me if I went out in public like that. I got to get him on his train, see him off, and finally get back in my bed by 7:30.

When I finally got up again, I was supposed to go out with Sam but he ended up having to study instead. I tried to find this secondhand book market underneath Waterloo Bridge, but failed abismally. I did find a discount book store though and was able to pick up The Picture of Dorian Gray, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland/ Through the Looking Glass, and Heart of Darkness all for 5 pounds though. Definitely a wise purchase. Then I went to TopShop to waste time walking around and depressing myself. I was trying on shoes, and then left to go to the ISA office... and realized halfway that I left my books by the shoes. I ran back, and luckily they were still sitting there. Apparently I get really distracted by cotton candy and shoes (please refer back to my pickpocket panic at the boat race when I left my wallet at a cotton candy stand). That night, Carnaby Street was having a 20% off shopping party in all the stores in the Carnaby area. Amazing. I bought a pair of neon orange heels for work, and some hot pink lipstick and liner. I even got a few glasses of free champagne outside different stores, and a free makeup consultation (which resulted in the purchase of the lipstick and liner).

The next day, Friday the 20th, was our ISA Farewell event. What a sad occasion! There are so many awesome people in that group that I know I won't ever see again realistically. It's hard to see someone and know it will be the last time, even if you aren't close to them. We went to Olympic Park, where they are building the stadium for the Olympics next summer. It looks (and smells) like shit now, but they will definitely make it awesome in the next year. Then we went up to Greenwich briefly before getting a delicious three course Mediterranean dinner. Afterward, we went back to London Bridge via river cruise. On this boat ride, a group of at least 15 guys, Australians and Kiwis, kept calling me Daisy (because of my sunflower hairband). They were asking me all about myself, telling me I was beautiful, and making me (and everyone else on the boat who had to watch) uncomfortable. They were trying to trip me up when I pointed out Tower Bridge to someone, saying "No, that's London Bridge," thinking that because I have an American accent there's no way I'm from around here. I retorted, "No, gentlemen, that is Tower Bridge. London Bridge is the shitty one behind it, and the Millennium Bridge is behind that which links St. Paul's Cathedral to the Tate Modern and the Globe Theatre. I live here, thank you." They were impressed. Then they kissed me on the cheek, I made a really unhappy face, and finally was able to get out of there.  Kristen, Jojo, her friend, and I went out for a drink with (younger) Maria, our ISA adviser after, which was really fun. She's coming to New Jersey in November and promises that we can get a drink together then. At night, Kristen came over and we watched Anchorman together, which she hadn't seen (which is just a sin to me).

Wow, I really didn't think I had this much to share. If you're still reading, you're an angel (a really bored angel, I'm sure).

Yesterday, Saturday the 21st, I went to Borough Market with Sam, Kristen, Kim, Cori, and a new friend named Kay (leave it to me to finally make a British friend a week before leaving). We decided to all get different things at the market and make a huge, fabulous lunch in my kitchen. We had pasta with some delicious pesto sauce, three different breads, hummus, asparagus for the pasta, cheese, salamis, blackberries, grapes, olives (well, we would have if I didn't eat them all), and I made strawberry bruschetta. It was so good, and I got to keep the leftovers for dinner! Afterward, I went into extreme housewife mode and cleaned every dish, including the ones we didn't even use. We've been out of dish soap for a couple days and they all just felt dirty and not up to my standard of clean, so I spent about 45 minutes washing dishes. This exhausted me, so I took a nap before Kristen came over and we watched another movie (this time, Stepbrothers).

Now, as for today, Sunday the 22nd, I had some trouble getting activities done. In fact, the success rate of my activities went: success, failure, failure, success, failure, success. This is ironic, because it fits very well with the wives of Henry VIII (divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived... if you consider that the ones who divorced or survived are successes as they got away from him). First was finally seeing Changing of the Guard. What a cool procession! It was so crowded though, it's unbelievable that so many people turn out for it daily. The second event, a failure, was going to the Chelsea Gardens with Kim, Kristen, and Cori. I had dressed for a summer day when it was actually rather cold today, so I wanted to go back and change but I knew Kristen would be calling me. I waited about 20 minutes without a phone call, and since I can't call her because I have no money on my phone, I just went back and decided to cross off other stuff on my list instead. The third event, another failure, was the Fashion and Textile Museum. I got there fine, had a cream tea (my favorite thing to get in a cafe in London... a scone with clotted cream and jam, and a pot of Earl Grey tea), and then saw that the museum is actually closed on Mondays. Well, that figures. The fourth activity, instead of this museum, was the Tate Britain. This was a success, as I was able to get there okay and it wasn't closed! Hooray! I didn't particularly like the museum compared to some others I have been to here, but it wasn't the worst by far. I'm still glad I went. Next was evensong at St. Paul's Cathedral. Remember back in January (of course you don't) when I said I would never get used to military time? I was right. Apparently 15:15 is not 5:15, as you actually don't just take off the 1 in front of the time. So, while I thought I was a half hour early, I was really two hours late. So, I went to St. James Park instead as my sixth event, which is another royal park off my list. It was still early in the evening, so I walked from Buckingham Palace through St. James Park to Trafalgar Square, down Whitehall Road to Big Ben and Parliament, along the Westminster Bridge to the Waterloo Pier, and then finally went back home with sore feet and a 50% success rate for the day.

That was exhausting to just type about. I really need to update more frequently again to avoid long-winded entries.

Tourist.

Since coming back from the Canary Islands, it has hit me...

I have less than two weeks left in London.

It's been a crazy ride, that's for sure. But to be honest, I feel like I might actually miss London. It really hasn't been so awful the past couple months, since it's been spring. And, I'll confess, a lot of my problems with London have been my fault. If I feel bored and like there's nothing for me to do, it's because I haven't been forcing myself to do things. Now with only a short time left and a fairly decent list of touristy things I still haven't done, I'm doing things everyday starting today. I spent the day by myself, but it was still a lot better than when I spent it by myself in my room so many days. However, I know that you're a tricky trickster, London. I will not forget how awful you were to me in the winter, despite shaping up in the spring.

It's actually rather embarrassing how many really basic London tourist things I haven't done yet. It's just the whole, "we have five month, we have plenty of time," syndrome, and then you come down to the last few weeks and you wonder what you have done the past four and a half months. I guess I can just read back in this blog to find that out.

So, here is my list of things I needed to do in London:
1. London Aquarium
2. London Eye
3. See a Shakespeare performance at the Globe Theatre
4. Kensington Palace
5. Kew Gardens
6. London Symphony Orchestra
7. Fashion and Textile Museum
8. Changing of the Guard (yeah, embarrassing. I still haven't seen that yet)
9. Attend a service at Westminster Abbey
10. The British Library
11. Hatchard's Bookstore
12. Freud Museum
13. 8 Royal Parks
           Greenwich Park
           Hyde Park
           Kensington Gardens
           St. James Park
           Richmond Park
           Bushy Park
           Regent's Park
           Green Park
14. Attend a service at St. Paul's Cathedral
15. Carnaby Street
16. Tate Britain
17. Brighton
18. Liverpool

So, I'm doing decently well. Today, I crossed off The British Library and attending a service at Westminster Abbey. The British Library was amazing... the amount of books in that place is unreal. They had an exhibit with some really famous and some ancient texts. I saw Jane Austen's notebook, original copies of the Beatles lyrical brainstorming, the Gutenberg Bible, and the Magna Carta. Unfortunately, you need a reading pass to be able to just look through the shelves of books in the reading rooms, but it was an English major's dream.

The service at Westminster Abbey was beautiful. I went to the evensong ceremony, and my gosh, there is a reason that choir is so famous. I was a little surprised at how I was the only one who seemed to be dressed for church, but furthermore how I seemed to be the only one who didn't have to read the Apostle's Creed off the paper. Come on, people. If lightning was to strike anyone in that building, it'd be me. If I have the Apostle's Creed memorized, you should too.

Overall, it was a productive day. Tomorrow is the last day I can see Jordan and Sam though, which is going to be so sad. Saying goodbye is awful!

Tenerife.

I have met my match. That's right, Kate the Conqueror has been conquered. By the sun.

I spent this past week in Tenerife, one of the Canary Islands in Spain (off the coast of Morocco). It's called the Island of Eternal Spring, because it is consistently the same glorious temperature the entire year. Was this trip a cultural experience? By all means, no. We didn't really plan for it to be, we just wanted to get tan and sleep on a beach. While we were there, it was 85 degrees and sunny the whole five days. We stayed at the Parque Santiago III, a resort hotel that we had an apartment for four in. Jordan and I shared a room, and Sam and Mike shared a room. We had our own kitchen, a living room, and a balcony with a table for eating outside. The hotel had several huge, beautiful pools in addition to the turquoise water of the sea. The sand had to be imported in from the Sahara Desert, and palm trees lined the sidewalk. Picturing paradise?

Yeah, well, paradise unleashed a heavy charge of fury upon my skin. Okay, so maybe it was a little cocky for us pasty white kids who have been living in cloudy London for months and haven't seen real sunlight in ages to assume that SPF 10 applied once in the morning would be enough to last us an entire day in the sun with a UV index of +10. And maybe when I felt my skin getting crispy and my organs slowly baking away inside the Crock-pot that is my body I should have said, "Hey, it might be a good idea for me to get a higher SPF, or reapply sunscreen, or put an umbrella up, or do anything other than lie here and ignore it for the sake of how good I will look in white and how toned my stomach will look without a single bit of physical activity after this."

Still, let's stick to what's important: I do look really good in white now, and my stomach does look instantly slimmer. I have also been moisturizing really well, so I only look like I have a severe, rare skin disease on my back from the peeling. And really, it's a small defeat if the only thing I can't conquer is the sun. THE SUN! That's a large place. I'll wave my white flag to the sun.

You'd think for a trip that was five nights long I'd have a lot to say about it. Truth be told, I don't. Every day was beautifully sunny and hot. We went to the beach, we went to the pool, and swam in each. We fried our skin (though by day three I did cave and get SPF 30 and started reapplying often... so be happy, Dad), walked around a lot, and I made dinner every night. We didn't get to climb Teide, the third largest volcano in the world (which is also active), unfortunately. Sam had a different time scheduled, and it turned out to be really expensive to get there and take the cable car up, which you had to do otherwise it'd take 8 hours just to climb down the volcano. The bus also didn't come until after our scheduled time, so we wouldn't make it on time, and therefore would have to stop 400 meters from the top. So lame. Oh well, more beach time.

I also tried absinthe one night with Jordan, and I was a little concerned with how easily the two of us finished that bottle. It really didn't affect us much at all. We stepped it up the next night though with cannabis absinthe, which did it's job slightly more effectively. If I had to describe the taste of absinthe... it's like having a mouthful of black licorice jellybeans and setting them on fire. But, hey... isn't the point of studying abroad trying things that are illegal in your home country?

So, sun, you beat me. I fully accept it though, because you did still give me a really sweet tan. Take that, Londoners. However, it does not make me any less of a conqueror.

Canary Islands: Conquered. 

And you know what? I'm going to get a little conceited and take it a step further...

Spain: Conquered. 

Because true conquerors don't need to go to anywhere in a country other than it's beautiful island beaches to claim the land in their name. 

 Our resort, Parque Santiago III. Highly recommended.

 Our resort.

 Nice pool, right?

The beach! Ah, I miss that water.

 Jordan and I being models.

Sam and I before leaving for the airport.

Update.

So now it's time for a recap of all the wonderful and exciting events that have happened in the life of Kate the past few days!  /sarcasm.

May 3rd- Since my fashion report was due this day, I figured it'd be a good time to start it. It was actually slightly more enjoyable to write than I thought it would be, but I'm sure my opinion of that will change when I get my grade and see she failed me simply because she's an awful person. We had to pick a trend, macro or micro, and pick a high-street retailer and product line it could apply to and pretty much just convince them they should adopt the trend. I did the polka dot trend for J.Crew's business wear line. Yeah, edgy. I used so many visuals and even made a color scheme, so if I don't at least pass this paper, I am journeying back to London to personally kick her ass.

Jordan and I also has a fiasco of a time trying to track down the room where we had to pick up our grades from our presentations. We asked literally everyone that's supposed to know, like reception, the security guard, the admissions office... and nobody knew. Oh, except our PROFESSOR who was IN the admissions office when we were asking, looked at us, and IGNORED US. Our tutor, who was with her, was the one who told us the location... which you would think is reasonable and nice, except that they failed to mention that they have the room locked and we can't get in. We finally tracked her down and got our grades. I knew my grade already, but I wanted to see how she could justify giving me such a low grade when I honestly had one of the best presentations in the class. I have more reason to hate her. She praises me almost the entire time in the comments, but still gives me half the points off! I swear, this school is bonkers.

May 4th- This was the day of the British Heart Foundation's Tower of London 10k I ran with Jordan! There was a party at ISA beforehand, where they brought out a cake and sang happy birthday to me.  Remaining true to our "Hungry Hungry Hippos" team name, we ate two slices of pizza and a piece of chocolate cake... immediately before our race. It actually didn't affect us at all though, and we ran the entire 6.2 miles on terrible knees (me), an injured foot (Jordan), and bellies full of terrible food. I'd call it a success... such a success that we just had to reward ourselves with Krispy Kreme doughnuts afterward.

May 5th- My rewards for the 10k continued as I allowed myself to go shopping. I wanted to find this hot pink dress with bananas on it at Top Shop, and that was my sole intention... but they don't have them in stock yet. Bollocks. That didn't stop me from going insane in the store though, and continuing my path of shopping fury all the way to Zara. In my defense though, everything I bought is for my internship in Milan. Although I know I'm just an intern, not an executive, Stacy London always says you should dress for the job you want, not the job you have. I know they won't expect me to wear a suit everyday, but I still should look professional and not show up in jeans and sneakers. I barely had any work appropriate clothes here, minus two skirts and two shirts, which didn't even really match with each other. Now, with the purchase of three tops and two skirts, I have 12 outfits I can wear to work. Now that's smart shopping!

May 6th- When was this, yesterday? Oh, alright. Well, I had planned to have a football game (European football, or soccer for all you uncultured American friend-heathens back home... see College Humor's "How to Go Abroad and Come Back an A-hole" article), but my phone has now decided to not accept incoming calls anymore. Since I have no credit on my phone to call or text anyone, meeting up with people was slightly more than difficult. I eventually found Kentucky, and we eventually met up with Mike, so the three of us just hung around Regent's Park, kicking the ball between us and relaxing. We went back to change, and then we went out shopping (but I didn't buy anything!) so Mike could get a swimsuit. Then we were starving, so we got some cheap Thai food, and called it a night... until Mike messaged me around 11:30 saying he wanted chips (English chips, so French fries for you uncultured American friend-heathens) which in turn made me want chips, so we made a chip run together. Productive day.

So now today, I was going to go to the Fashion and Textile Museum finally, but on the website it says it's temporarily closed until May 19th. Seems silly, but whatever. So I'll do that later this month. No idea what I'm going to do today now though... it's not a super sunny day, so I'm going to scratch a park option. I guess I'll look at my list and figure something out.

Oh, and in case you're not counting down like me (which I can't understand why you wouldn't be), I go to the Canary Islands in three days now!

 After running our 10k, pre-doughnuts.

Jumbled.

I've been doing some thinking (which is always dangerous), and I've decided to not go home this month. While I want nothing more than to be home, I want it to be permanent, and making it temporary is only going to upset me more. Every time I had a visitor out here, I became even more unhappy when they left than I was before I saw them. I really hate complaining about this, because I don't want to make anyone feel like I wish they never came to visit me, but it definitely made things a lot harder on me. Saying goodbye is tough enough the first time; it doesn't get easier the second time around. By going home, I'd be doing the same exact thing but in reverse. It's not worth it to spend all the extra money and lose out on the time I paid to be here just to potentially make myself even more miserable. So, I'm sticking it out.

I have a list of things I still wanted to do in London. It really isn't that long, but I could always find other things to add to it to try to fill up this next month. That just means more museums. If I can try to keep busy, hopefully the time will go faster and I can get over to Milan.

So, my Facebook has been packed with announcements about Osama Bin Laden being killed. First of all, let me mourn for the fact that I have no idea what's going on in the world anymore unless it's posted as a Facebook status. Politics are a dirty topic, but it's on my mind. Osama Bin Laden was an evil man. He killed thousands of people, and may potentially be one of the worst people to live since Hitler. I may be ignorant in this subject, because not only am I politically uninvolved in the war but I have also been lucky enough to have never had this war personally affect me, since I did not lose anyone in the 9/11 attacks and am not close with anyone that has gone to fight. However, I feel my heart sink and my soul get heavy when I hear about all these people celebrating. How could somebody celebrate the death of another human being? It evokes a vicious, primitive image of cavemen ripping a person apart and dancing around a fire. We are not savages. We are better than that. We have supposedly evolved from this. Can't we control our animalistic instincts to kill?

As Martin Luther King, Jr., said, "Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." We are not ending terrorism by killing one man. This is not the end. People are going to retaliate, we're going to fight back, and this vicious cycle of hate and killing will never end so long as people are still driven by the disgusting, human instinct to protect oneself and destroy anything that threatens our norms. 

I'm not saying people should be mourning his death. Again, he was an evil man. But an eye for an eye makes the whole world go blind... even if he blinded way more people himself. I'm in a really weird mood today thinking about this. It bothers me a lot... because while I really believe everything I have said, I'm still relieved that he's dead. I think my relief bothers me. There is a difference between closure and celebration though. The people who have been affected by Osama Bin Laden's actions should have a feeling of closure from this, a sigh of relief. They should take a deep breath, exhale slowly, and calmly rejoice that it is over. Celebrating sickens me.

However, I go back again to when I compared him to Hitler. I can't say that if I lived back then I wouldn't rejoice for the death of Hitler. Even just looking back at history, I'm glad that bastard killed himself. He deserved all of it and more. So why do I feel differently about this?

I think I'm just in a weird mood about it because I can't entirely pinpoint my feelings about it. I don't like not knowing. It also doesn't help that Jim left today, so I'm again feeling that "Everyone is gone, I am alone, and I'm unhappy," feeling I get every time a visit ends. It also doesn't help that I have a fashion report due tomorrow, and that I decided last minute today to not book my flight home. Too much is going on in my mind right now, I'm getting all jumbled. I shouldn't allow myself time to think about things, it really is too dangerous.