Well, these couple weeks in April were relatively useless. I want my money back.
On a good note, Jim will be here in just a few hours! He's going to be exhausted too, because after the long voyage here, we leave tomorrow morning for Ireland for a few days. I guess my 21st birthday won't be too anti-climatic after all... I can spend it with my brother in Ireland!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
Bored.
My dad thinks it's time for a new blog post. Maybe it is... but I have literally nothing to report.
Now that it is University of Westminster's spring break month (yes, month, the whole month of April), I have even LESS obligations than I did before. I have a paper due on the 21st and another on the 28th, but that's it. Period. For the rest of my classes, nothing else. May is exam month, but all of my classes had papers instead of exams, so I'm off all of April and May.
Yes, boo hoo, poor Kate is complaining about two months free when everyone else is stressing out about A, B, or C. I'm just so bored though... and I never get bored. Ever. There is always something for me to do to occupy my time. Being bored sucks. I never knew, because I NEVER GET BORED. London wins again.
I've been sleeping til about 1:00 everyday. I have no reason to be that tired... and I'm actually not that tired. I'm sleeping that late as an activity. It's something to do. I've set my alarm for 9:00, 10:00, 11:00 even... but it goes off, and I think to myself, "...why?" What am I going to do if I get up? It just means I'll have a few more hours to sit around on Facebook and eat Girl Scout cookies.
I have done things... just very minimal. I went to Regent's Park with Kentucky on Sunday, Green Park with Kentucky on Monday (for a grand total of a half hour because it suddenly got cold), Greenwich Park with Ali on Tuesday, hung out with Mike for a few hours Wednesday night, and today Ali and I went to Hatchard's Bookshop (the oldest bookstore in London, from 1797, and I bought two fabulous books on fashion). I've also hung out with my flatmates a couple nights, which has been really fun. So, I have been making an attempt. All of these activities have only amounted to probably 3 hours maximum each. The day is much longer than that. I've been reading "East of Eden" by John Steinback again, because it's one of my favorite books, and reading the newspaper. I've been doing my Italian lessons on Rosetta Stone. I've been working on my résumé, looking at internships, and creating my LinkedIn professional profile. All of these are things that happen within the confines of my room though.
I've also been stressing myself out about the future. I really, really, really want to do an internship at Tom's Shoes out in Santa Monica. REALLY want to. However, my mom advises against getting an internship straight out of graduation... and my dominating logical side agrees with her. I started to consider graduating a semester early and doing the internship in the Spring... but this would prevent me from being able to be the fashion club president at Montclair next year. It almost came down to a choice between the fashion club and the Tom's internship... and choosing between the two is impossible for me.
So I want both. While I know logically it might not be the best idea, I'm almost 90% sure I am going to go for the internship next summer. I know I should get a job right out of school, and I will still apply to jobs too. This is just an experience that I really would feel like I was missing out on if I didn't do it. It's everything I'm about... fashion, marketing, helping the world, and shoes. Plus, it's a paid internship, it's out in Santa Monica, and their interns actually get to do things. Legitimate things. It's not a coffee running position. Would I want to work for Tom's forever? I don't know... but I would love to do this.
It has also occurred to Ali and I that this summer is our last time of freedom ever until we graduate... and I'm doing an internship during it. So, my last break was last summer... and I slaved away at Bowling Green during it. If I had only known during Summer 2009 that it would be my last moment forever, I would have enjoyed it more. Alas, I didn't know. So, I think doing this internship and living out in Los Angeles for the summer before I start the real world might be a really awesome last "hurrah." Sorry, mom.
The point is... I've been tremendously bored, and when I'm bored I have more time to think, and when I have more time to think I drive myself crazy with my thoughts, and then I have a brain aneurysm. T-minus 10... 9... 8...
Now that it is University of Westminster's spring break month (yes, month, the whole month of April), I have even LESS obligations than I did before. I have a paper due on the 21st and another on the 28th, but that's it. Period. For the rest of my classes, nothing else. May is exam month, but all of my classes had papers instead of exams, so I'm off all of April and May.
Yes, boo hoo, poor Kate is complaining about two months free when everyone else is stressing out about A, B, or C. I'm just so bored though... and I never get bored. Ever. There is always something for me to do to occupy my time. Being bored sucks. I never knew, because I NEVER GET BORED. London wins again.
I've been sleeping til about 1:00 everyday. I have no reason to be that tired... and I'm actually not that tired. I'm sleeping that late as an activity. It's something to do. I've set my alarm for 9:00, 10:00, 11:00 even... but it goes off, and I think to myself, "...why?" What am I going to do if I get up? It just means I'll have a few more hours to sit around on Facebook and eat Girl Scout cookies.
I have done things... just very minimal. I went to Regent's Park with Kentucky on Sunday, Green Park with Kentucky on Monday (for a grand total of a half hour because it suddenly got cold), Greenwich Park with Ali on Tuesday, hung out with Mike for a few hours Wednesday night, and today Ali and I went to Hatchard's Bookshop (the oldest bookstore in London, from 1797, and I bought two fabulous books on fashion). I've also hung out with my flatmates a couple nights, which has been really fun. So, I have been making an attempt. All of these activities have only amounted to probably 3 hours maximum each. The day is much longer than that. I've been reading "East of Eden" by John Steinback again, because it's one of my favorite books, and reading the newspaper. I've been doing my Italian lessons on Rosetta Stone. I've been working on my résumé, looking at internships, and creating my LinkedIn professional profile. All of these are things that happen within the confines of my room though.
I've also been stressing myself out about the future. I really, really, really want to do an internship at Tom's Shoes out in Santa Monica. REALLY want to. However, my mom advises against getting an internship straight out of graduation... and my dominating logical side agrees with her. I started to consider graduating a semester early and doing the internship in the Spring... but this would prevent me from being able to be the fashion club president at Montclair next year. It almost came down to a choice between the fashion club and the Tom's internship... and choosing between the two is impossible for me.
So I want both. While I know logically it might not be the best idea, I'm almost 90% sure I am going to go for the internship next summer. I know I should get a job right out of school, and I will still apply to jobs too. This is just an experience that I really would feel like I was missing out on if I didn't do it. It's everything I'm about... fashion, marketing, helping the world, and shoes. Plus, it's a paid internship, it's out in Santa Monica, and their interns actually get to do things. Legitimate things. It's not a coffee running position. Would I want to work for Tom's forever? I don't know... but I would love to do this.
It has also occurred to Ali and I that this summer is our last time of freedom ever until we graduate... and I'm doing an internship during it. So, my last break was last summer... and I slaved away at Bowling Green during it. If I had only known during Summer 2009 that it would be my last moment forever, I would have enjoyed it more. Alas, I didn't know. So, I think doing this internship and living out in Los Angeles for the summer before I start the real world might be a really awesome last "hurrah." Sorry, mom.
The point is... I've been tremendously bored, and when I'm bored I have more time to think, and when I have more time to think I drive myself crazy with my thoughts, and then I have a brain aneurysm. T-minus 10... 9... 8...
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Parents.
I realized I did not give my parents a fair blog post. I was too emotional to want to reflect on the week in a positive light, and that's not right. Here is my blog post about my week here with my parents.
We really did a lot of cool stuff. I've done a lot of it before, like Tower of London, a tour of Parliament, Harrods, walking through Hyde Park, the Sherlock Holmes museum, and the British Museum. We also went to Hampton Court Palace, which I loved. It is so beautiful there. The gardens are absolutely gorgeous, and there are SO MANY of them! It was a beautiful day out, and the flowers were so colorful. We got to walk through the maze too, and we all split up in different directions to see who can get out first. I won, but my dad claims he would have won but I cheated somehow. He's just a sore loser.
We went to Windsor Castle too, which was neat but I wish you got to see more of it. It's huge, but you can only tour a small section. Maybe you're usually allowed to see more, but the Queen was THERE when we were! We asked some people working there and found out what building area she was in, but of course there was no way anybody was getting near there. It's really a shame too, because I know that if someone just told her we were there she'd be right out to see us. Queen Lizzie and I are very close.
I also got to see Westminster Abbey for the first time, which seems odd that I haven't seen it before when I'm going to be marrying Prince William in a couple weeks there (yes, I'm the Kate that's marrying him). It's really cool though because there's so many people buried there, from past kings and queens to people like Charles Dickens and Alfred Lord Tennyson. It's architecturally beautiful also... I love old cathedrals and churches. I may hate everything they stand for, but I like the buildings themselves.
My parents and I also went to Paris for two days like Steve and I did, and we stayed in the same place (A Room in Paris, it's absolutely wonderful and charming... look up aroominparis.com if you want to stay in a really nice bed and breakfast run by fantastic people). Our first day we did all the usual sightseeing, going to Notre Dame, the Arc de Triomphe, and the Eiffel Tower. I finally made it to the top of the Eiffel Tower, and it only took three trips to Paris to do it. It was so awesome. My dad kept giving us the distance comparison, logically explaining to us that the height of the Eiffel Tower is only the distance of half my street. I refuse to believe it. There is no way that my walk to the bus stop is as tall as the Eiffel Tower. And, dad... if it's so short, why were you so scared to go to the top?! He did go though, as did my mom, and it was really a perfectly warm and clear day for it.
We ate dinner at a really cute restaurant, and besides my steak being undercooked (or perfectly cooked for those who like it medium rare, but I'm a baby and get really scared about undercooked meat) it was delicious. We got to see the Eiffel Tower sparkle at night, one of my favorite sights in the world, and stayed at a lovely bed and breakfast.
The next day we went to the Louvre, which is absolutely gigantic. They say it would take you a week to go through the Louvre, but I don't know if I believe that. I feel like we saw pretty much everything. We even went to the Napoleon apartments twice because we liked it that much (Napoleon was definitely a man of "simple" tastes). We left for lunch because it was such a beautiful day out, we didn't want to stay inside all day, and came back after to finish up. It was literally the best weather I've had in my stay in Europe: it was well into the 80s in Paris that day. I loved it.
So, my trip with my parents was really absolutely lovely. I know they had a great time, and I had a fantastic time with them, even doing a lot of things that I have done already.
I also really look forward to my brother coming out here to visit. We have a lot of awesome stuff planned together. I went to Paris with Steve and my parents, but I wanted to go somewhere different with Jim. Since he is into photography, and it will be the end of April, I thought it'd be nice to go somewhere with more of a scenic countryside. So, Jim and I are going to go to Cork for a couple days during his stay (April 24th-27th). This means I am going to be spending my 21st birthday in Ireland! We're also going to run in a 10k through Regent's Park during his stay, along with doing touristy London things like Tower of London, Parliament, castles, etc. We plan on running together, bike riding in the park, and doing other awesome activities (the only kind of activities awesome people like us know how to do).
At the Sherlock Holmes museum.
Dad LOVED the pee pod.
In Parliament.
Hampton Court Palace!
Gardens at Hampton Court Palace.
Our room in Paris!
In front of the Seine River in Paris with my dad!
Over the top of the Eiffel Tower.
At the top of the Eiffel Tower with my mama!
In front of the Eiffel Tower with my parents.
Aw, cuties.
Napoleon's apartments in the Louvre.
Venus de Milo.
In front of the Mona Lisa.
The Louvre.
Windsor Castle.
Windsor Castle.
We really did a lot of cool stuff. I've done a lot of it before, like Tower of London, a tour of Parliament, Harrods, walking through Hyde Park, the Sherlock Holmes museum, and the British Museum. We also went to Hampton Court Palace, which I loved. It is so beautiful there. The gardens are absolutely gorgeous, and there are SO MANY of them! It was a beautiful day out, and the flowers were so colorful. We got to walk through the maze too, and we all split up in different directions to see who can get out first. I won, but my dad claims he would have won but I cheated somehow. He's just a sore loser.
We went to Windsor Castle too, which was neat but I wish you got to see more of it. It's huge, but you can only tour a small section. Maybe you're usually allowed to see more, but the Queen was THERE when we were! We asked some people working there and found out what building area she was in, but of course there was no way anybody was getting near there. It's really a shame too, because I know that if someone just told her we were there she'd be right out to see us. Queen Lizzie and I are very close.
I also got to see Westminster Abbey for the first time, which seems odd that I haven't seen it before when I'm going to be marrying Prince William in a couple weeks there (yes, I'm the Kate that's marrying him). It's really cool though because there's so many people buried there, from past kings and queens to people like Charles Dickens and Alfred Lord Tennyson. It's architecturally beautiful also... I love old cathedrals and churches. I may hate everything they stand for, but I like the buildings themselves.
My parents and I also went to Paris for two days like Steve and I did, and we stayed in the same place (A Room in Paris, it's absolutely wonderful and charming... look up aroominparis.com if you want to stay in a really nice bed and breakfast run by fantastic people). Our first day we did all the usual sightseeing, going to Notre Dame, the Arc de Triomphe, and the Eiffel Tower. I finally made it to the top of the Eiffel Tower, and it only took three trips to Paris to do it. It was so awesome. My dad kept giving us the distance comparison, logically explaining to us that the height of the Eiffel Tower is only the distance of half my street. I refuse to believe it. There is no way that my walk to the bus stop is as tall as the Eiffel Tower. And, dad... if it's so short, why were you so scared to go to the top?! He did go though, as did my mom, and it was really a perfectly warm and clear day for it.
We ate dinner at a really cute restaurant, and besides my steak being undercooked (or perfectly cooked for those who like it medium rare, but I'm a baby and get really scared about undercooked meat) it was delicious. We got to see the Eiffel Tower sparkle at night, one of my favorite sights in the world, and stayed at a lovely bed and breakfast.
The next day we went to the Louvre, which is absolutely gigantic. They say it would take you a week to go through the Louvre, but I don't know if I believe that. I feel like we saw pretty much everything. We even went to the Napoleon apartments twice because we liked it that much (Napoleon was definitely a man of "simple" tastes). We left for lunch because it was such a beautiful day out, we didn't want to stay inside all day, and came back after to finish up. It was literally the best weather I've had in my stay in Europe: it was well into the 80s in Paris that day. I loved it.
So, my trip with my parents was really absolutely lovely. I know they had a great time, and I had a fantastic time with them, even doing a lot of things that I have done already.
I also really look forward to my brother coming out here to visit. We have a lot of awesome stuff planned together. I went to Paris with Steve and my parents, but I wanted to go somewhere different with Jim. Since he is into photography, and it will be the end of April, I thought it'd be nice to go somewhere with more of a scenic countryside. So, Jim and I are going to go to Cork for a couple days during his stay (April 24th-27th). This means I am going to be spending my 21st birthday in Ireland! We're also going to run in a 10k through Regent's Park during his stay, along with doing touristy London things like Tower of London, Parliament, castles, etc. We plan on running together, bike riding in the park, and doing other awesome activities (the only kind of activities awesome people like us know how to do).
Compare.
TEN THINGS I LIKE ABOUT LONDON
1. Everyone on the tube reads. I don't even just mean read newspapers, so many people just read books. Legitimate books.
2. The weather here has been absolutely beautiful, especially compared to home. It was gray for most of the winter, which is horribly depressing, but at least we had no snow. The past few weeks it's been nothing but sunshine.
3. The Tube is ridiculously easy to navigate. I get lost very easily, but as long as I can get my way to a tube station, it's so easy to get yourself home.
4. Fashion. I love the fashion here. It's so much more creative than fashion you see anywhere else. Women wear whatever they want, and not only do people not raise an eyebrow to it, but it looks awesome.
5. Men's fashion. Men are so stylish here. I love seeing men pulled together in a nice outfit.
6. Newspapers are free here. Which makes sense to me... why should people have to pay for the news?
7. The food in the grocery stores is so much better. They don't pack food with preservatives like in America, so it tastes fresher and real. Of course, it doesn't last as long, but with city living you don't need it to. You go food shopping every few days, so food only needs to last a few days.
8. London is such a clean city. It's spotless. I dropped food on the ground and ate it, and thought nothing of it.
9. The buildings are all so architecturally beautiful. It's not like New York where you can count the visually interesting buildings on one hand: every building here has personality, even the unimportant ones.
10. Markets. Borough Market, Portobello Road, Camden Market... markets are awesome.
TEN THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT LONDON
1. Nobody smiles. I know I've said that so many times, but it's so true. Even when Steve and my parents came to visit they noticed it. Everyone is miserable.
2. The weather in the wintertime was so miserable. It would be gray out all day, and not rain but drizzle just enough to ruin your day.
3. The tube in rush hour is awful. If you can get on a train, prepare to be face-first in the smelly armpit of a man coming back from the gym.
4. Not many people are really friendly. I've been keeping a running list of people who have been really outwardly friendly to me, and I can count them on one hand. People may not be evil, horrible people (though some are), but nobody really makes an effort to be friendly.
5. People will run you over. Sure, you may be jaywalking, but in New York or anywhere else they'll angrily stop for you. They will not stop for you here. That's not an exaggeration. THEY WILL NOT STOP. So many people die from getting hit by a bus or car in London. They don't care.
6. The streets are very confusing. It's easy to get lost. The tube is easy, the rest of it is hard.
7. I have to make an effort to see nature. If I want to see something green, I have to go on the tube to get to a park. I don't like having to go to a designated area to see nature.
8. English food. I don't think I need to say anything more about this.
9. They have very negative opinions of Americans, in general. Come on, we're not all obese, nationalist gun-owning cowboys who hate other cultures but love cheeseburgers. I happen to be the opposite in all those areas.
10. It is ridiculously expensive here. I knew it would be, but I severely underestimated how expensive it truly is. I made about $10,000 this summer and it's almost all gone in just a few months, and I don't drink, I wash my clothes by hand, and I don't eat out often. It's crazy. The number amounts for things are the same as in America, but the pound is worth about twice as much. You get a bottle of shampoo for 4 pounds, but it's really almost $8 USD. And drinks? My goodness, if I drank I'd be broke. A mixed drink is about 7 pounds... you get one drink and you're out $14. This city eats bank accounts.
1. Everyone on the tube reads. I don't even just mean read newspapers, so many people just read books. Legitimate books.
2. The weather here has been absolutely beautiful, especially compared to home. It was gray for most of the winter, which is horribly depressing, but at least we had no snow. The past few weeks it's been nothing but sunshine.
3. The Tube is ridiculously easy to navigate. I get lost very easily, but as long as I can get my way to a tube station, it's so easy to get yourself home.
4. Fashion. I love the fashion here. It's so much more creative than fashion you see anywhere else. Women wear whatever they want, and not only do people not raise an eyebrow to it, but it looks awesome.
5. Men's fashion. Men are so stylish here. I love seeing men pulled together in a nice outfit.
6. Newspapers are free here. Which makes sense to me... why should people have to pay for the news?
7. The food in the grocery stores is so much better. They don't pack food with preservatives like in America, so it tastes fresher and real. Of course, it doesn't last as long, but with city living you don't need it to. You go food shopping every few days, so food only needs to last a few days.
8. London is such a clean city. It's spotless. I dropped food on the ground and ate it, and thought nothing of it.
9. The buildings are all so architecturally beautiful. It's not like New York where you can count the visually interesting buildings on one hand: every building here has personality, even the unimportant ones.
10. Markets. Borough Market, Portobello Road, Camden Market... markets are awesome.
TEN THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT LONDON
1. Nobody smiles. I know I've said that so many times, but it's so true. Even when Steve and my parents came to visit they noticed it. Everyone is miserable.
2. The weather in the wintertime was so miserable. It would be gray out all day, and not rain but drizzle just enough to ruin your day.
3. The tube in rush hour is awful. If you can get on a train, prepare to be face-first in the smelly armpit of a man coming back from the gym.
4. Not many people are really friendly. I've been keeping a running list of people who have been really outwardly friendly to me, and I can count them on one hand. People may not be evil, horrible people (though some are), but nobody really makes an effort to be friendly.
5. People will run you over. Sure, you may be jaywalking, but in New York or anywhere else they'll angrily stop for you. They will not stop for you here. That's not an exaggeration. THEY WILL NOT STOP. So many people die from getting hit by a bus or car in London. They don't care.
6. The streets are very confusing. It's easy to get lost. The tube is easy, the rest of it is hard.
7. I have to make an effort to see nature. If I want to see something green, I have to go on the tube to get to a park. I don't like having to go to a designated area to see nature.
8. English food. I don't think I need to say anything more about this.
9. They have very negative opinions of Americans, in general. Come on, we're not all obese, nationalist gun-owning cowboys who hate other cultures but love cheeseburgers. I happen to be the opposite in all those areas.
10. It is ridiculously expensive here. I knew it would be, but I severely underestimated how expensive it truly is. I made about $10,000 this summer and it's almost all gone in just a few months, and I don't drink, I wash my clothes by hand, and I don't eat out often. It's crazy. The number amounts for things are the same as in America, but the pound is worth about twice as much. You get a bottle of shampoo for 4 pounds, but it's really almost $8 USD. And drinks? My goodness, if I drank I'd be broke. A mixed drink is about 7 pounds... you get one drink and you're out $14. This city eats bank accounts.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Gone.
And now they're gone.
And now I'm alone.
I can't determine if having visitors makes this easier or harder. Don't get me wrong, I've loved the time I've spent here with Steve and my parents. While they were here, I was really happy and got to spend time with them and I know they all had a good time. I got to see a lot of really cool things with my parents; some were things I have seen before, but some were new for me, like Hampton Court Palace, Westminster Abbey, the Louvre in Paris, the top of the Eiffel Tower (FINALLY), and Windsor Castle. We had a lovely trip to Paris, a lot of time together, and everybody successfully resisted the urge to murder each other. I missed my parents so much, and it was nice to have a break from missing them for a short time. But now, as Ben Folds would say, "I'm feeling more alone than I ever have before."
I hate goodbyes. They're really difficult for anyone, so I'm not going to pretend I'm unique and special by saying how they're really hard for me. It was bad enough to say goodbye the first time on January 7th, when I knew that they would be visiting me in a short while. I knew I would be seeing them during my time here, which made it feel like it wasn't so bad because I didn't have to go the whole stay without seeing them. But then they come and visit, become a physical part of my life again for a really short time, and then leave. Just leave.
And now they're gone.
And now I'm alone.
Now, don't tell me some reassuring pick-me-up like how lucky I am to have people like that at all, to have people visit me, or that I'm never really alone. I am lucky, and I know I'm not really alone as long as I have people in my life, yadda yadda. Somehow that's not too reassuring when none of those people are actually here. I can't curl up with my mom and watch television all day every time I'm sad and don't feel like doing anything else. I can't play lazyball with my dad and Zoe and wake up to him putting dog treats under my pillow every Saturday morning for her. I can't make "your mom" jokes and high-five my brother, and I can't cuddle up next to Steve. They may be there for me, but they aren't here for me. And so, I feel alone.
I really loved the time I spent with my parents and Steve here, I want to make that clear. I don't regret them coming out here, because we really did have a good time. This feeling I have now though is far worse than any feelings I had when I was just alone here before they came. We have a great time, they go to the airport, I go back to my flat, and all I can think is, "...and now they're gone. And now I'm alone."
They just came here halfway through my time, and I've been here since January. They stayed a week, had a grand vacation, and I've been living here. And at the end of it all, I see them off to the airport, they get to hop on another plane back home, and I get to hop back on the tube back to Old Street. I have to walk back into my flat, the very one that they had just been living in, and see the clutter in my room of where they just were.
And now they're gone.
And now I'm alone.
They get to leave. They get to come here, stay their short time, and go. I can't leave. I can't go back with them. They can't stay here, and I can't go home. All I have is the terrible quality of Skype calls and the knowledge that they'll be there when I come home. I know they aren't going anywhere... I just wish I could.
And now they're gone.
And now I'm alone.
And now I'm alone.
I can't determine if having visitors makes this easier or harder. Don't get me wrong, I've loved the time I've spent here with Steve and my parents. While they were here, I was really happy and got to spend time with them and I know they all had a good time. I got to see a lot of really cool things with my parents; some were things I have seen before, but some were new for me, like Hampton Court Palace, Westminster Abbey, the Louvre in Paris, the top of the Eiffel Tower (FINALLY), and Windsor Castle. We had a lovely trip to Paris, a lot of time together, and everybody successfully resisted the urge to murder each other. I missed my parents so much, and it was nice to have a break from missing them for a short time. But now, as Ben Folds would say, "I'm feeling more alone than I ever have before."
I hate goodbyes. They're really difficult for anyone, so I'm not going to pretend I'm unique and special by saying how they're really hard for me. It was bad enough to say goodbye the first time on January 7th, when I knew that they would be visiting me in a short while. I knew I would be seeing them during my time here, which made it feel like it wasn't so bad because I didn't have to go the whole stay without seeing them. But then they come and visit, become a physical part of my life again for a really short time, and then leave. Just leave.
And now they're gone.
And now I'm alone.
Now, don't tell me some reassuring pick-me-up like how lucky I am to have people like that at all, to have people visit me, or that I'm never really alone. I am lucky, and I know I'm not really alone as long as I have people in my life, yadda yadda. Somehow that's not too reassuring when none of those people are actually here. I can't curl up with my mom and watch television all day every time I'm sad and don't feel like doing anything else. I can't play lazyball with my dad and Zoe and wake up to him putting dog treats under my pillow every Saturday morning for her. I can't make "your mom" jokes and high-five my brother, and I can't cuddle up next to Steve. They may be there for me, but they aren't here for me. And so, I feel alone.
I really loved the time I spent with my parents and Steve here, I want to make that clear. I don't regret them coming out here, because we really did have a good time. This feeling I have now though is far worse than any feelings I had when I was just alone here before they came. We have a great time, they go to the airport, I go back to my flat, and all I can think is, "...and now they're gone. And now I'm alone."
They just came here halfway through my time, and I've been here since January. They stayed a week, had a grand vacation, and I've been living here. And at the end of it all, I see them off to the airport, they get to hop on another plane back home, and I get to hop back on the tube back to Old Street. I have to walk back into my flat, the very one that they had just been living in, and see the clutter in my room of where they just were.
And now they're gone.
And now I'm alone.
They get to leave. They get to come here, stay their short time, and go. I can't leave. I can't go back with them. They can't stay here, and I can't go home. All I have is the terrible quality of Skype calls and the knowledge that they'll be there when I come home. I know they aren't going anywhere... I just wish I could.
And now they're gone.
And now I'm alone.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Revelation.
Today, I witnessed something incredible and unbelievable to a typical Londoner.
I saw somebody openly display emotion.
Yes, all you stoic, cold, stone-faced, gray Londoners, with your apathetic sighs and rolls of your eyes. I saw somebody... not even just somebody, one of your kind, show emotion in public.
I was walking in the Bank tube station toward the Northern line going home from class. The typical, monotonous loudspeaker voice comes on:
"Mind the gap. Mind... the gap. Mind... the gap. Mind... the gap. Mind..."
And he broke. "He" is a middle-aged bald man, in a suit and carrying a brief case, probably heading back to work from his lunch break (as it was about that time). He was walking a little in front of me, and I hadn't even noticed him until it happened.
"Oh my God, just SHUT THE F**K UP ALREADY!"
I was stunned. I felt so many things in that moment, so many thoughts ran through my head. I honestly truly believed that right then and there, everybody would join him. There would be a sudden outbreak of Londoners finally letting down their guard, screaming;
"Yeah, you're right!"
"That DOES get annoying!"
"I'm angry too!"
"I hate the tube!"
"I hate my job!"
"This city is too gray, and I'm tired of it!"
"I'm tired of being treated like an animal every time I smile in public!"
"I'm tired of feeling forced to remain silent on my commute!"
"I'm tired of this city, and my job, and this tube, and all of you!"
...but it didn't happen. Nothing happened. Nobody even looked up, nobody took their eyes off their newspaper, nobody slowed down on the steps or looked over to see who said it or even made a face to themselves. There was nothing. Finally, a chance. Somebody else broke, now's your time! Follow him!
But nobody did... and London remained the same. And all of them remained the same. And the middle-aged, bald, suit-wearing and briefcase-carrying returning to work from his lunch break man, well, he remained the same too. As soon as he broke, he immediately remembered his setting and snapped the pieces back together. Everything remained unchanged. Everything.
Except me. Because now I know the truth. London is not emotionless... it's trained to appear that way. People do feel. They get angry, and I'm sure they also get sad, and... dare I say it? I'm sure they also get happy. Yes, happy. Do you know what the word means, Londoners? I'm sure you do, but you'll never admit it. But it's okay, you don't have to, because I already know now. So next time I'm sitting on the tube alone, smiling to myself because it's a beautiful day, don't stare at me like my head is melting off; I know you feel it too. Next time I'm on the tube laughing and having a good conversation with a friend, don't scoff at us like our happiness offends you; I know you feel it too.
You will never deceive me again, London. I know you.
And you know what? I'm telling everyone.
I saw somebody openly display emotion.
Yes, all you stoic, cold, stone-faced, gray Londoners, with your apathetic sighs and rolls of your eyes. I saw somebody... not even just somebody, one of your kind, show emotion in public.
I was walking in the Bank tube station toward the Northern line going home from class. The typical, monotonous loudspeaker voice comes on:
"Mind the gap. Mind... the gap. Mind... the gap. Mind... the gap. Mind..."
And he broke. "He" is a middle-aged bald man, in a suit and carrying a brief case, probably heading back to work from his lunch break (as it was about that time). He was walking a little in front of me, and I hadn't even noticed him until it happened.
"Oh my God, just SHUT THE F**K UP ALREADY!"
I was stunned. I felt so many things in that moment, so many thoughts ran through my head. I honestly truly believed that right then and there, everybody would join him. There would be a sudden outbreak of Londoners finally letting down their guard, screaming;
"Yeah, you're right!"
"That DOES get annoying!"
"I'm angry too!"
"I hate the tube!"
"I hate my job!"
"This city is too gray, and I'm tired of it!"
"I'm tired of being treated like an animal every time I smile in public!"
"I'm tired of feeling forced to remain silent on my commute!"
"I'm tired of this city, and my job, and this tube, and all of you!"
...but it didn't happen. Nothing happened. Nobody even looked up, nobody took their eyes off their newspaper, nobody slowed down on the steps or looked over to see who said it or even made a face to themselves. There was nothing. Finally, a chance. Somebody else broke, now's your time! Follow him!
But nobody did... and London remained the same. And all of them remained the same. And the middle-aged, bald, suit-wearing and briefcase-carrying returning to work from his lunch break man, well, he remained the same too. As soon as he broke, he immediately remembered his setting and snapped the pieces back together. Everything remained unchanged. Everything.
Except me. Because now I know the truth. London is not emotionless... it's trained to appear that way. People do feel. They get angry, and I'm sure they also get sad, and... dare I say it? I'm sure they also get happy. Yes, happy. Do you know what the word means, Londoners? I'm sure you do, but you'll never admit it. But it's okay, you don't have to, because I already know now. So next time I'm sitting on the tube alone, smiling to myself because it's a beautiful day, don't stare at me like my head is melting off; I know you feel it too. Next time I'm on the tube laughing and having a good conversation with a friend, don't scoff at us like our happiness offends you; I know you feel it too.
You will never deceive me again, London. I know you.
And you know what? I'm telling everyone.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Motivate.
I'm going to the Canary Islands! Unfortunately, this will be my last trip while in London (I seriously underestimated just how expensive this city was), but at least it'll be a glorious one. I'm going with my friends Jordan, Mike, and Sam, and we were able to book the trip for 5 nights at a four star resort hotel for only $300 USD (flight included). Yeah, I know. We also have our own apartment at the hotel so we are just going to buy groceries and cook for ourselves. Since it's a beach trip also, our daily activities will consist of 1) laying on the beach, 2) swimming, 3) tanning, 4) more laying on the beach, 5) pool, 6) swimming, 7) tanning, 8) more laying on the beach, 9) pool, and 10) more laying on the beach. That's all free. Oh, and climbing the volcano there. So, since we won't be spending money besides the initial $300, and groceries there for the week will cost less than groceries in London for the week, I'd say we made a sound economical choice.
I am a little sad that my traveling is over though. There were still a lot of places on my list that I didn't get to see. I wanted to visit Adrienne in Sevilla, Jessica in Graz, I wanted to go to Croatia with my friends here, and maybe Prague, and I feel a little ashamed that I've been in England and never made it to Scotland or Ireland. However, I got to go to some cool, different places, and for that I am grateful. Besides, it's not like I'll never be back. I'd rather make sure I have some money to see a little bit of Italy while I am in Milan.
This trip will definitely keep me inspired to keep running though. As if I wasn't motivated enough to do these runs, knowing that I will be in a bikini in a little over a month will definitely get me out there working it.
My runs have been going really great. I'm not going every single day like originally planned; I skipped today because it was dreary and rainy outside. However, I am definitely making an effort to go every other day, if not everyday, and have only skipped a few days since I started. Plus, I've been running 4-5 miles each time, so I feel that I'm still getting a decent work-out even if I skip. I am just afraid of overwhelming myself: I know I need to go more frequently, run faster and farther, cut candy out of my daily diet (my biggest weight gain problem... sour patch kids will be the death of me), not eat so late at night, etc. etc. If you try to do everything at once though, you do it for a few days, decide it's too hard, and give up everything all together. So, if I just start with running, slowly pick up my pace or run farther each time, and once I'm in a routine with that start to work on my diet, it'll be more effective. However, I only have 41 days until the Canary Islands, and I will not settle for anything less than Heidi Klum status.
If I needed any more motivation, Jordan and I have signed up to do a 10k on May 4th! Yes, a 10k. Not even just a 5k... a 10k. That's over 6 miles. It's for the British Heart Foundation, and it's a 1k loop around Tower of London that you can do up to 10 times. We, of course, are going to do the whole 10 laps. Go big or go home, right? I have total confidence that we can handle six miles in about a month. We've already been doing about 5 mile runs, and we've been doing it for just over a week. At this rate, that race would be our warm up! It's right before our trip also, so by training for this we're also getting in shape for the Canary Islands. Smart thinking, I know.
Changing the topic, I find a lot of times here that while I am always missing everyone at home, one person will stand out for the day. There's usually not a clear reason for this, and it's generally always a family member or Steve. Yesterday, it was definitely my dad. At home, if there are three people I talk to a good amount every single day, it's my mom, my dad, and Steve. Well, I get to talk to Steve a good amount out here still because he has Skype on his phone so I can message him like we're texting. I get to talk to my mom a good amount because the time I'm usually available to talk to someone is when only she is home from work, so we'll talk almost everyday. However, I don't get to talk to my dad often. We're lucky if we can talk more than once a week, because it's always so late for me when he's home from work. While I definitely don't talk to anyone as much as I can at home, at least it's easier with my mom and Steve. I went from talking and spending some time with my dad almost everyday to talking for a little bit once a week, and that is not cool with me. I got to talk to him for an hour and a half last night though, and that made me really happy. What makes me even happier is knowing that in 24 hours, they'll be on a flight to come see me! AAAAAH! I am SO beyond excited.
Some of you may be wondering, "Hey, is Kate using this blog post as a means of procrastination from her three assignments she's trying to get done before her parents come out to visit her?" If you are wondering that, the answer is: absolutely. Yes, yes I am. But YOU are probably reading this post as a means of procrastination from doing something you should be doing also. It's just so hard to find motivation to do homework these days. I'm already trying to motivate myself to run, I don't have that much motivation to spread around.
So, a final note: if you would like to support Jordan and I in our 10k, here is our fundraising site! You can donate directly through this site, which is quicker and easier for everyone, and all proceeds go directly to the British Heart Foundation. As our team name, "Hungry Hungry Hippos," and mission statement implies, you will be helping two causes: the BHF, and giving Jordan and I motivation to get off our fat asses and work off our winter fat.
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/team/kateandjordan
I am a little sad that my traveling is over though. There were still a lot of places on my list that I didn't get to see. I wanted to visit Adrienne in Sevilla, Jessica in Graz, I wanted to go to Croatia with my friends here, and maybe Prague, and I feel a little ashamed that I've been in England and never made it to Scotland or Ireland. However, I got to go to some cool, different places, and for that I am grateful. Besides, it's not like I'll never be back. I'd rather make sure I have some money to see a little bit of Italy while I am in Milan.
This trip will definitely keep me inspired to keep running though. As if I wasn't motivated enough to do these runs, knowing that I will be in a bikini in a little over a month will definitely get me out there working it.
My runs have been going really great. I'm not going every single day like originally planned; I skipped today because it was dreary and rainy outside. However, I am definitely making an effort to go every other day, if not everyday, and have only skipped a few days since I started. Plus, I've been running 4-5 miles each time, so I feel that I'm still getting a decent work-out even if I skip. I am just afraid of overwhelming myself: I know I need to go more frequently, run faster and farther, cut candy out of my daily diet (my biggest weight gain problem... sour patch kids will be the death of me), not eat so late at night, etc. etc. If you try to do everything at once though, you do it for a few days, decide it's too hard, and give up everything all together. So, if I just start with running, slowly pick up my pace or run farther each time, and once I'm in a routine with that start to work on my diet, it'll be more effective. However, I only have 41 days until the Canary Islands, and I will not settle for anything less than Heidi Klum status.
If I needed any more motivation, Jordan and I have signed up to do a 10k on May 4th! Yes, a 10k. Not even just a 5k... a 10k. That's over 6 miles. It's for the British Heart Foundation, and it's a 1k loop around Tower of London that you can do up to 10 times. We, of course, are going to do the whole 10 laps. Go big or go home, right? I have total confidence that we can handle six miles in about a month. We've already been doing about 5 mile runs, and we've been doing it for just over a week. At this rate, that race would be our warm up! It's right before our trip also, so by training for this we're also getting in shape for the Canary Islands. Smart thinking, I know.
Changing the topic, I find a lot of times here that while I am always missing everyone at home, one person will stand out for the day. There's usually not a clear reason for this, and it's generally always a family member or Steve. Yesterday, it was definitely my dad. At home, if there are three people I talk to a good amount every single day, it's my mom, my dad, and Steve. Well, I get to talk to Steve a good amount out here still because he has Skype on his phone so I can message him like we're texting. I get to talk to my mom a good amount because the time I'm usually available to talk to someone is when only she is home from work, so we'll talk almost everyday. However, I don't get to talk to my dad often. We're lucky if we can talk more than once a week, because it's always so late for me when he's home from work. While I definitely don't talk to anyone as much as I can at home, at least it's easier with my mom and Steve. I went from talking and spending some time with my dad almost everyday to talking for a little bit once a week, and that is not cool with me. I got to talk to him for an hour and a half last night though, and that made me really happy. What makes me even happier is knowing that in 24 hours, they'll be on a flight to come see me! AAAAAH! I am SO beyond excited.
Some of you may be wondering, "Hey, is Kate using this blog post as a means of procrastination from her three assignments she's trying to get done before her parents come out to visit her?" If you are wondering that, the answer is: absolutely. Yes, yes I am. But YOU are probably reading this post as a means of procrastination from doing something you should be doing also. It's just so hard to find motivation to do homework these days. I'm already trying to motivate myself to run, I don't have that much motivation to spread around.
So, a final note: if you would like to support Jordan and I in our 10k, here is our fundraising site! You can donate directly through this site, which is quicker and easier for everyone, and all proceeds go directly to the British Heart Foundation. As our team name, "Hungry Hungry Hippos," and mission statement implies, you will be helping two causes: the BHF, and giving Jordan and I motivation to get off our fat asses and work off our winter fat.
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/team/kateandjordan
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